I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
