before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
That reminds me...we need to get swords
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
