This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
