i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
