when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
