just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
