and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
