Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Randomize
