im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
