What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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