You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
