sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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