is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
