can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
