my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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