Ketchup is God's man juice
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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