Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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