Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
