The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
