: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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