hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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