got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
