So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
