I like to think it a success when the cops are called
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
