Cold hands, warm shart.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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