Soap is not a condiment
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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