could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
