I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My vagina is officially offended.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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