I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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