Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
