Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
