I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
