I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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