This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
