it wasn't lemon gatorade
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
