she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
