my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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