i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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