nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
