There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
