she looked like the before picture.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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