i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
