the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
