her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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