K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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