If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
