Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do vagina's smell?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
