She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
