Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
