so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
this boner is exhausting
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
