Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
