Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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